Reprogramming Perfectionism

Hi Friends! Lets it’s been a few weeks since we’ve last caught up. Since then, I’ve started school again and had to make some major adjustments in my personal life. In the past 3 weeks, I’ve had more breakdowns than I can remember, accompanied by the occasional anxiety attack. Imagine being thrown in the deep end of a pool, and not knowing how to swim, while everyone around you is trying to help but you can’t stay up long enough to catch your breath. That’s how I can describe what it’s been like. But this post isn’t about that. This post is about what reflecting upon these past few weeks has made me realize. Resurfacing the old habit of over-expectations and above all the need to be and to have all things perfect. 

Perfectionism is a Box that you create yourself. 

Being perfect is something I’ve always struggled with. This stems from the desperate need to be accepted and people-please. I speak briefly about people-pleasing and boundaries here if you’d like to know more about my take on it. Like I said before, I had a really hard time these past few weeks. The more I tried to control everything around me the more difficult things became and without realizing it I had put myself back in that box. The walls around me? Goals, Expectations, and Conditions, mix it with sugar and spice and there is nothin’ nice coming out of it. Let me break down for you.

Too Many Goals 

Goals are great; goals are not bad. In fact, I think you need to set appropriate goals for yourself in order to achieve what you want in life!  But you also need to know yourself and your limits. When you set too many goals and tie them to unrealistic expectations you’re setting yourself up for failure. I do this often. I’d consider myself a very determined person, and with this quality, I’m constantly setting goals to keep me “on the right track” or assure that I’m moving forward, which, isn’t in itself a bad thing. But like I said before, I set too many goals. My timeline for myself at times is unrealistic, and often doesn’t allow me the space to live, or as one would put it “stop and smell the roses.” OR “stop and figure out who farted” (Haha, I don’t know why that phrase popped in my head, I had to share it. Lol sorry.) ANYWAY!

You're only here for a short visit. Don't hurry. Don't worry. And be sure to smell the flowers along the way.

“The Walter Hagen Story”

Unrealistic Expectations 

If you’re a perfectionist like me you know exactly what I’m talking about. Perfectionism, the refusal to accept any standard other than perfect. (Dictionary.com < lol I dont even know if thats how you’re suppose to site. And why did I feel the need to site the dictionary in my own blog?) The definition in itself is an unrealistic expectation. Who and what are actually perfect anyway? I mean, besides God or Beyonce (Not that I’m comparing Beyonce to God but like… come on, the woman is… perfect. I’d bet a few friends would even say BTS is perfection but let’s not get into that here). What I’m trying to say is, as a perfectionist, I’m pretty freakin’ hard on myself. I give myself wayyy too many goals/tasks and set absolutely unrealistic deadlines. I compare myself to others in almost every aspect and then beat myself up when I don’t measure up. And just because I’m also a People Pleaser, I project and assume what is expected of me and do that too. How is that even fair? But the king of Unrealistic Expectations is Time. 

The pressure of time can be its own category in itself! At least for me, I feel like I can never have enough time. Why do you think I set my goals according to a timeline? I always do it and you know what? I don’t think I’ve ever completed a goal within the time frame that I set for myself. But the thing is, it’s not just the timelines that I set but the pressures of meeting social standards as well! A society that expects us to be beautiful, find love, be successful, and all before our bodies have even fully grown into itself. Oh, the American Dream. Yet, another unrealistic expectation for my perfectionistic self. 

Conditions 

Oh, you thought that was it? HA! The excessive goal settings and the unrealistic expectations aren’t even the half of it. As if these things weren’t weighing me down already, I have the audacity to set conditions to it. “If this goal/expectation isn’t met it’s because…” or “...then I am…” typically following with a statement that either belittles me or belittles the things I have accomplished/currently doing. It’s like self-punishment as if we needed another person to beat down on us right?

Living Un-perfectly

I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I’ve figured it out or that I’m suddenly cured of my perfectionism because honestly, 3 weeks of falling back into the hole of the constant need of control are what brought me here. It’s a never ending cycle of trying to control the uncontrollable and then being all dark, depressy, and even frustrated about how I “try so hard and things never go my way.” If you’ve related to this blog post let this be a reminder to the both of us. Life is unpredictable. PEOPLE, are unpredictable, including yourself. Go easy on yourself. You’re doing amazingly. You’ve DONE amazingly up until now even with all your hiccups! Don’t put yourself in a box. I can’t count how many times things didn’t go as planned but always turned out better. So what if you’re not where you thought you’d be at this age and time. Maybe you’re not supposed to be there. Maybe, what you’ve imagined for yourself is nowhere near what has been imagined for you. 

This is me, 

AsMyself